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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23240518">closeness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitepaint/pseuds/whitepaint'>whitepaint</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:22:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,594</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23240518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitepaint/pseuds/whitepaint</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Contrary to what people believe, he is actually close to most members of 127 other than Sicheng.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Contrary to what people believe, he is actually close to most members of 127 other than Sicheng. Taeil hyung guided him through vocal lessons back in trainee days, more patient than the actual trainer. Taeyong hyung; well, he's a mother hen, he's close to everyone. Yuta and Johnny hyung were the ones who taught him self-defense, as in the literal I-will-crush-your-balls kind of self-defense. Doyoung hyung is another mother hen, always competing with Taeyong hyung for the Dreamies' attention. Jungwoo hyung is the secret enabler of all of Donghyuck's stupid stunts, that would forever and always involve Renjun, so they're also close.<br/><br/>"Jaehyun hyung?"<br/><br/>"Jaehyun hyung has a special place in Renjun's heart-"<br/><br/>"More like a special place in hell, Donghyuck. Don't get things twisted now, please."<br/><br/>Jung Jaehyun, on the other hand, is a walking sin that Renjun has avoided getting involved with since first meeting. Back then, first meeting, THE Jung Jaehyun was squishy and smiley and cute. Renjun was immediately head over heels, never mind never believing in love at first sight ever before (and the fact he was FIFTEEN YEARS TOO YOUNG TO TALK ABOUT LOVE). The moment he opened his mouth though...<br/><br/>"You're so tiny, are you sure you're fifteen?" Jaehyun had said, laughing and pointing like Renjun was a comedy act. "Wait, you're a boy, right?"<br/><br/>Back then, Renjun had been too humiliated to answer. Ten had to hit Jaehyun upside the head for him to stop. Renjun had cried, once he was in the confines of the dorm he was assigned to and the only one present to see was their then manager hyung.<br/><br/>("I know it hurts," the manager had said. Back then, no one knew that this guy would be with them long enough to witness not just their growth in popularity but also their maturity as humans. But even back then, he was already very proud of Renjun for being able to cry in front of someone else. "But let this strengthen you, don't let it bring you down.")<br/><br/>After a few days of stewing though, Renjun realized that his old tendency to fight back physically anyone who belittles him (literally) isn't worth keeping. So instead of kicking Jaehyun in the balls the next time they met, he made sure they never met again. But as Donghyuck has mentioned many times (as if he's not affected), vertically challenged people always get the short end of the stick.<br/><br/>He and Jaehyun were put in NCT together.<br/><br/>Thus, Jaehyun became the sin on legs as Renjun bitterly dubbed him. The more he spent time in the same room as Jaehyun, the more he wanted to do something that could get himself in trouble. Like break his nose or use the "self-defense" techniques of crushing balls that Johnny hyung and Yuta hyung taught him. Especially when the older boy wasn't doing anything but stand and/or walk around.<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>Who was he actually kidding?<br/><br/>"I think I'm in love with him," he said to Donghyuck as he pulled his knees to his chin. He had asked his best friend to stay the night with him after the others decided to end their get-together. "But that's wrong, I shouldn't be."<br/><br/>"Why?"<br/><br/>"Boys like him would only hurt me."<br/><br/>Donghyuck didn't reply, he just took Renjun's hand and held it tight.<br/><br/>"He's insensitive, verbally offensive. I'm too sensitive, easily hurt."<br/><br/>"If you're talking about what happened years ago, let me reiterate; that was years ago, Jun. We've grown up, matured a little bit, regretted and vowed to never repeat some of the things we did back when we were young.<br/><br/>"This isn't you not giving HIM a chance, this is you not giving YOURSELF a chance. It's not like you'd allow yourself to open up to anyone if it's not him."<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>Renjun wanted to give himself a chance. He knows for a fact, THE Jung Jaehyun would never return his feelings, but he at least wanted to stop acting like they're strangers. They are, after all, in the same band and company.<br/><br/>("Let's just act normal," Chenle said as they waited for their ice cream cones down at the cafe of the SM building. "Definitely not as if you've been debating whether to kill him or kiss him all these years you've known him."<br/><br/>"Wait, how does a member of Dream act normal?"<br/><br/>"You wouldn't understand, Ji. Jaemin dropped you when you were a baby.")<br/><br/>He tried his luck when they started their end of the year rehearsals again ("Isn't this a little too early? SuperM is still in the US and we still have a tOuR to work on" Donghyuck, yes). He started with small things, like sitting beside the older or smiling at him when they cross paths. He had to admit, it was embarrassing the first time because Jaehyun was so surprised he dropped his speaker on his foot.<br/><br/>"Maybe I was irrational when I vowed to avoid him for the rest of my life, but it's not like he knew he did something wrong. He never apologized so why is he so surprised?"<br/><br/>"I'm pretty sure you're right about him not knowing he did you dirty back then," Jaemin said as they chopped together the ingredients for their hotpot that night. "But I'm also pretty sure he felt your hostility. And to think that kept on for years."<br/><br/>"Just a suggestion," Jeno then said as he helped Jisung clean the pot for their food later. "If he confronts you about this, tell him the truth."<br/><br/>"Without violence though," Jisung added.<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>"Do you know that you're actually scaring Jaehyun?"<br/><br/>He was on a video call with Taeil and Doyoung after dinner when the two older thought of opening the topic.<br/><br/>"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"<br/><br/>"He said you're suddenly acting weird." Doyoung answered as he and Taeil worked on their dishes together. "He said you never smiled at him before."<br/><br/>"And that you've never been at least a meter away from him." Taeil added, focused on the pan that looked like it perished in a grill instead of an induction cooker. "And then suddenly you can sit beside him during rehearsal breaks now."<br/><br/>"Did he, by any chance, tell you if he knew why I was distant before?"<br/><br/>"So, you really were avoiding him?"<br/><br/>"Kind of, yes."<br/><br/>"He said he thinks he offended you back when you first met each other."<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>"Maybe you should talk to him."<br/><br/>He was giving Mark a back massage a day after SuperM's return to Korea. The older usually requests this after finishing a particularly stressful task. After years of taking care of Dream like the most reliable older brother that Mark is, Renjun feels this is the least he can do.<br/><br/>"At this point you're just torturing yourself. You've been carrying that heavy burden for so long, Junnie."<br/><br/>"We understand that this is easier said than done," Donghyuck said from his spot on the floor, massaging Mark's arm. "But you know it'll be a great relief if you do."<br/><br/>"I'm scared I'll end up hitting him or something."<br/><br/>"No, Junnie. You're not angry anymore, you haven't been since the day after your first meeting."<br/><br/>"And your pride isn't strong enough to land a hit because there's no one in your current twenty-year-old life who deserves to be hit."<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>"I think I'm in love with you."<br/><br/>"You think?"<br/><br/>"I'm not sure. Sometimes, I want to hit you for breathing. Most of the time, I want to kiss and cuddle you."<br/><br/>"Well I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you."<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>Byun Baekhyun lead an excited Kim Jongdae inside NCT's dressing room to find a fuming make-up artist yelling at Renjun. On one of the chairs in front of the mirror sat a Jung Jaehyun that held an ice pack to his red face.<br/><br/>"Do we want to know what happened?"<br/><br/>"I don't think so."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Taeyong pulled him to the side before their last end of year performance to ask if he thinks he deserved what he got from Renjun, he readily and wholeheartedly said yes. <br/><br/>(With a satisfied nod, Taeyong let him go.)<br/><br/>Yes, he deserved that because:<br/><br/>1. he never apologized for what he did to Renjun their first meeting,<br/>2. he didn't even try to bridge their gap as a hyung,<br/>3. but out of the blue he said he was in love with Renjun.<br/><br/>But he really was, along with being a coward and an opportunistic asshole. <br/><br/>He was eighteen when he met Renjun. Before that, his dad told him many times to be loyal to only one love (old men are saps). And he was, to Taeyong. He thought he was in love and that he'll forever be in love. Naive, Johnny had called him. Renjun changed that in one second flat. Jaehyun had panicked then, backtracking just as fast to deny and convince himself he loved Taeyong. The defense mechanism may or may not have been offensive though.<br/><br/>"I panicked," Jaehyun had told Yuta and Taeyong a few days later, when he couldn't take it anymore. "I seriously thought I was in love with Taeyong."<br/><br/>"You're not in love with me," Tayong confirmed with a shrug. "What's to panic over that? Jae, people's hearts change all the time. You should have made sure though that your change of heart didn't hurt anyone."<br/><br/>"Besides, if you got over Taeyong that fast," Yuta said, stare calculating. "How do you know you're actually in love with Renjun?"<br/><br/>"Ah, maybe we should just go easy on the bigger L word, yeah? Don't worry Jae, you'll be okay."<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>Being an opportunistic asshole became a personality trait a year later. He had spent most of the remainder of the previous year debating whether to apologize or not. But when he realized Renjun was avoiding him, he fucking decided to go with it. His feelings, considering they were tiny anyway, would surely disappear if he didn't expose himself to Renjun.<br/><br/>"Is that working well for you?" Hansol asked with an amused smirk. "'Cause if it is, then that's a miracle. Most of the time, that's just a small collection of smaller disasters building up."<br/><br/>"What an elaborate way of telling me I am fucking things up."<br/><br/>"Tremendously."<br/><br/>It's not like he had a choice (he could hear all his hyungs laughing manically behind him), he was put into a debuting group and he got busy almost right away when 2016 started. Even when it was announced that Renjun was also in NCT, there really wasn't much point because they have different units to belong to.<br/><br/>That, and the fact he's already messed up, he couldn't mess up more by forcing himself onto Renjun.<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>"Hyung, I think Jeno's making a move on Renjun."<br/><br/>"Okay..."<br/><br/>"No, seriously. You don't wanna try moving your ass?"<br/><br/>"Lee Donghyuck, shut the fuck up."<br/><br/>"Yeah, you don't deserve my best friend."<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>"He said he's in love with me but he's awfully close to Jeno and Jaemin."<br/><br/>"You said you're in love with him but didn't do anything about it."<br/><br/>"Don't blame him for wanting to move on after your stupid stunt. He hit you because he didn't believe you and your audacity to make a dick move at such a serious moment."<br/><br/>"That wasn't a lie though, and you guys know that."<br/><br/>"Does he?"<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>He's Huang Renjun. The moment Taeyong warned him to go easy on the L word, Jaehyun knew it wouldn't work. Because he is Huang Renjun. Hell, he dropped a gorgeous man like he didn't exist at all the moment he saw Renjun.<br/><br/>"He had a fever a few weeks ago," Jungwoo said, nipping on his thumbnail worriedly. "Still went to that event when it was raining."<br/><br/>Renjun is a hard-working person. He'd literally rather die than give a half-assed performance of any kind. He hates being a burden to other people so if it means keeping secret the fact that he was sick, then so be it. <br/><br/>(This has happened so many times Kun and Doyoung are sure their hair thins an alarming amount yearly. It's gotten to the point that if you're an NCT member you have to swear to your ancestors that you'll never ever let Taeyong find out about this. Ever.)<br/><br/>He was also very caring. He acts like he doesn't like the Dreamies in front of the camera but he's more of a mother hen than Jaemin, Doyoung, Kun and Taeyong all combined. When it's their wellbeing, his priority is always the younger ones.<br/><br/>And he's very intelligent. He can talk nonstop about aliens and space, and still have a huge information pool for other things like digital arts and dance and singing.<br/><br/>All those and the fact Renjun is effortlessly gorgeous.<br/><br/>Simply watching Renjun sealed everything for Jaehyun. And he's been watching for five years running.<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>"Okay, what are you doing up and dressed?"<br/><br/>"I have a radio show, hyungnim."<br/><br/>Hyungnim, ouch. Jaehyun can't blame him though.<br/><br/>"Didn't your manager say it's pre-recorded for tonight?"<br/><br/>"He did?"<br/><br/>"Go back to bed."<br/><br/>"No, I-"<br/><br/>"Bed."<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>So it took over an hour to convince Renjun to change into more comfortable clothes and lie back in bed. When they called their manager to confirm the thing about the radio show, Renjun thought it would be a good idea to practice for a random performance instead. Renjun is a pain in the ass. Jaehyun didn't know how he would cook while making sure Renjun didn't make a run for it to god knows where. Thankfully, he must have been so exhausted that when his head hit his pillow, he was out like a light.<br/><br/>So he went about cooking something soft and quick so he could tend to Renjun as soon as possible. He prepared a basin with iced water and a towel to help lower the younger's temperature. Three hours in though and he was also out like a light, slumped on the side of Renjun's bed.<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>Everything turned a 360 after that uneventful night. It was so fast and so sudden that everyone noticed and had to ask.<br/><br/>"Did something happen when you were taking care of him?"<br/><br/>"What did you feed him?"<br/><br/>"Where did you get this Renjun?"<br/><br/>Since then, Renjun has been talking to him, joking and laughing like they've been friends from the very beginning. He'd sit beside him or stand near him, lean on him. Renjun's gotten bolder too; clutching his arm or shoulder, allowing Jaehyun to pull him into a side hug...<br/><br/>They got closer. But Jaehyun doesn't know how.<br/><br/>+.+<br/><br/>He decided to confront Renjun. Honestly, he wasn't unsatisfied. It was more than enough for him that they talk, they've gotten closer. He was scared of talking about it because what if they go back to square one? But he didn't want this blurry, vague thing going on between them either. It's tiring to always wonder: are they on? Are they off? What would he even call this?<br/><br/>"I don't want to pretend to hate you anymore. But please, reminder: I didn't believe you when you said you were in love with me."<br/><br/>"Correction: AM. I AM in love with you. Fell when I first saw you, still falling five years later. But okay, sure. I understand that wasn't easy to take in. But at least give me a chance to prove it to you."<br/><br/>It was a while before Renjun answered. Jaehyun couldn't blame him for being skeptical, really. But he'd greatly regret it if he didn't ask for a chance. He needed that chance.<br/><br/>"Okay."</p>
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